Weird Dreams: episode four

Today's weird dream is brought to you by a granola bar eaten at three in the morning...

I'm at a restaurant with my family. Me, Kyle, the kids, some of our cousins and their kids.  Everyone is eating and talking. I smile.  I love being with my family.  In a dark corner, I notice a man staring at us.  I can't tell what he looks like because he's got a bunny hug on and a baseball hat.  Everything he's wearing is black.  He takes a sip of coffee and his eyes meet mine.  Somehow, I know I'm supposed to go to him.  

I get up, telling Kyle the man is here and I'll be right back.  He tells me to be careful.  No one can see what's happening.  I can tell he's watching me as I get up and head to the bathroom.  A few minutes later, I hear the door open and someone walks in.  

"I'm in here."

The man's footsteps enter the stall next to mine.  "You're sure your family is ready for this?"

I nod even though he can't see me.  "We are."

He hands me a small package from under the divider.  "You have five hours."

I hear him leave and take my time exiting the bathroom with the cell phone sized package tucked in my back pocket.

Kyle exhales the breath he's been holding as I sit back down beside him.  Everyone is looking at me.

"We have five hours."  I pull the package out, taking the elastic off that's holding instructions against it. 

Welcome
The rules are simple.
1. take the packages to HIM by any means necessary
2. at least two of your team members must be at the final point

The restaurant doors burst open and a group of military guys come running up to us.

"They're coming! We have to go now! Brumby and Stinker will take the kids to a secure location!"  

Everyone gives the kids a quick hug.  

Emery kisses me on the cheek.  "You can do this, mom."

I take a deep breath and watch as the kids grin and run to the tank they get to ride in.  "Let's do it."

We run and get on our bicycles, pedaling down a back alley as fast as we can.  I feel the package slipping out of my pocket and decided to hang it around my neck by the chord it's attached to.  We make it to a tall skyscraper made completely of  windows.

Cheryl, Courtney, and Dwayne Johnson watch as Kyle and I run into the building.

"We'll meet you in the field!" yells Cheryl before pedaling away, the three of them accompanied by three guards.

"Where is it?"  Kyle stops me from getting on the elevator.

"Tenth floor."  

"They'll expect the elevator."

"Yeah."  I head to the stairway and we start to head up.

"Here! We can travel through the vents.  Bucky, give us a boost."

Kyle follows me in and passes me the gun Bucky has given him before pulling the other man up to join us.

The trip through the vents is exhausting and long.  Maybe this was a bad idea.  Maybe we won't have enough time.  In my mind, I've been counting the turns and floors.

"Here.  This is where we need to get out."

We drop into an office and quickly hide behind a large desk.  

A man with green scales for skin pauses and peeks in.

"They beat us here."  Bucky makes sure his safety is off and I do the same.  

Kyle attaches the silencer to his weapon.  "You know what sucks? They blend in.  We don't."

"I have to get to the back office."  I point in the direction I need to go.  The lights go out and I slip on my night vision goggles.  "Thanks god for Sparky."

Kyle grins.  "Let's go."

We manage to slip past a couple of office workers without being detected.  Bucky swings open the back office door .  His gun goes off twice and two bodies drop to the ground.  I kick open a closet door and shoot the manager who was hiding in it.

"It's in here."  I grab the box with the symbol on it that matches the package around my neck.

"Everybody freeze!"  

I see Bucky swing his gun around to take down the threat, but not quickly enough.  The building guard's gun goes off and Bucky falls to the ground.  Kyle grabs a chair and smashes the window open.

"Go, Mi!"  He shoots one guard and drops as he gets hit in the leg.  With a grunt, he throws himself at the men in the doorway.

"Kyle!"

"Go! Finish this!"  He takes another round in the chest and the last thing I see as I launch myself out of the tenth story window is his body falling to the ground.

I pull my parachute chord, knowing it's not going to do much to slow me down at this height.

"Hang on!"  Sparky groans as he attempts to catch me and I smash him into the asphalt.  "Bucky and Kyle?"

I shake my head and swallow hard.  "Gone."

"Come on."  He squeezes my arm.  "We have to keep going."  He stuffs the box in the big pocket on his pant leg and we take off running.

"We have to get to the field."  I duck into a back alley to get out of view.  Sparky peeks around the corner to make sure we aren't being followed.

"Let's go."  He leads to way until we're laying behind some bushes at the edge of the field.

"Shit."  Cheryl, Courtney, and Dwayne are tied to posts, surrounded by twenty plus enemy soldiers.  All I can think about is shooting each and everyone of them in their scaly green faces.

"Where do we find the package?"

I look through my scope.  "There.  They have it sitting by our team."

"Bastards.  Do they really think we're just going to stroll in there?"

We glance at each other and grin.  Making sure all of our weapons are loaded and ready, we stand and start shooting.

Chaos ensues as the enemy scrambles to recoup from our surprise.  Cheryl manages to get loose and tackles a panicked guard, stealing his weapon and shooting him before joining in the massacre.  Sparky reaches the package and stuffs it into his other leg pocket.  He quickly cuts down Courtney and Dwayne and gives them weapons.  

"Come on!"  I lead the way into the woods, glancing at my watch.  "We have an hour!"

I try not to feel excited.  We have all three packages.  Now, we just have to get it to HIM. 

Cheryl takes a shot to side and falls.  Dwayne covers her and takes three to the back.  He pushes his weapon toward Courtney.  "Go."

Courtney, Sparky, and I dash through the woods breaking out into the open of a parking lot.  We can hear the others behind us.  A quick scan confirms we aren't going to be ambushed and we go crashing through the front doors.

HE is waiting for us, his white suit pristine as HE sits behind a table.  HE stands.  

Sparky and I stumble forward, out of breath, holding out the packages for HIM. HE takes them, opens them, and scrutinizes them.  HIS eyes meet mine and he grins.

"Congratulations.  You've done it."

Gordon Ramsay takes the secret ingredients for the best hot chocolate on earth and heads off into the kitchen to make us some.

The kids come running up to us, excited to taste the treat.

We all turn as the lizard men some strolling into restaurant.  

Sheldon and the others pull off their lizard masks.  "Man, these things are bloody hot."

Everyone laughs and I hand him a glass of water.  Kyle gives me a hug, still wiping the paint from the paint balls off of his sleeve.

"I can't believe you jumped out of that building!"  Bucky grins with a shake of his head.

I burst out laughing, remembering it.  "Me neither!"

"That was kickass!"

We all sit as Gordon comes back with the hot chocolate and the only sound is thirsty slurps.  

"What are you going to make next time?"

He shrugs.  "It's a surprise."

"Can you make a cake?" asks Ashtynn.

Gordon shrugs.  "Is that what all of  you want?"

All the kids nod enthusiastically.  

Sparky stretches his arms over his head.  "I'm sorta glad it's the kids' turn next weekend.  I'm wrecked."

The adults all agree and the teams are picked for the following weekend fun of paintaball mob boss chef adventures.

Me: It's Been a While Since my Last Massive Panic Attack... Life: Hold my Beer.

Now, had this been five months ago, I'd have drank that beer and gone to buy another case. But it's not five months ago and I've been sober that long.  (Yay!) I'd be lying if I said it was easy to get here.  Truth be told, the first little while was pure hell.  I was crabby, cranky, rude... well, you get the point.  And while staying sober would be hell on the best of circumstances, I picked summer to do it. 

Yeah.  You know.  Bonfire, sit in the sun, have a beer camping season. Oh.  And then I traveled to Ontario and Quebec to visit all of my family and attend my brother's wedding. 

I spent the first three months avoiding social events and if I found myself at one, I sat away from everyone, usually in a different room. (fun times)

The first three months, I also had zero control over my anxiety.  Though my meds had managed to keep things in check while I was drinking, they did nothing while I detoxed and fought the cravings.

BUT! I pushed through that three month mark and things got easier. I got the anxiety under control and I started becoming the wife/mom/person I had been before I let the alcohol poison my life.  I never could have made it without my support system. (my husband, my family and friends, and my kids)  They're phenomenal.

So, most of you know the story with my oldest son, Anthony.  He got handed a shitty hand when he was born with cerebral palsy with autistic tendencies and epilepsy.  You've seen my twitter, instagram, and facebook posts of seizures, horrible nights, and behavior issues.

As I write this, I'm laying in bed with him and we're watching Rescue Bots. 

But life with Anthony has been life for the past 13, almost 14 years.  Holy shit, he's almost 14 years old!  Anyway, even though we have our stressful moments, it's our normal and we're used to it. (though, he does like to throw us a curve ball every once in a while. lol)

A little while ago, I made the mistake of thinking to myself that things were going great and I forgot to knock on wood.  ALWAYS remember to knock on wood.  Because if there's one thing life knows, it's that if it wants to mess with me, the best way to do it is through my kids.

Since then, I've had to watch my princess go for bloodwork and a renal and bladder ultrasound to see if they could find what is causing her to have multilple infections a year.  She was a trooper and thought it was cool she could see her insides on the tv and thankfully, no abnormalities were found. She's now going to be seeing a pediatrician, though that's not until January. I'm not sure what the next step he'll suggest will be, but like I said, January, so I'm trying to not think about it too much. (yeah right)

Two weeks ago, Emery came home from school, crying because his back hurt.  It turns out he was playing on a play structure at school and fell from five feet up onto his back.  We rubbed him down, let him soak in the tub, and when that seemed to help, we chalked it up to sore muscles from the fall.

A week later, ( a day after Ashtynn's ultrasound) he was still in pain and a trip to the doctor was made.  There, we were told there was a possibility he might have a fracture on one of his vertebrae and he was sent for xrays. 

A few days later, I saw my doctor's number on my phone.  Now, some people might think, oh well, but our doctor only phones us if something comes up in the tests that were taken.  Go for bloodwork, no phone call, you're fine.  Xrays, no phone call, all is good.

So, I took a deep breath and answered the phone, all the while wondering if I was getting news about Ashtynn or Emery. 

It was Emery.

It turns out he doesn't have a fracture on any of his vertebrae.  What he does have is Spina Bifida Occulta.  To my doctor's credit, he assumed I'd heard of Spina Bifida and rushed on to say that it is also called closed Spina Bifida and that it is the mildest form of the condition.  After easing my worry (I'm not going to lie, as soon as he said the name I imaged Emery's spinal chord ripping through his back... even though I knew it was something he'd obviously been born with and has lived with for eleven years with no issues whatsoever) he told me to bring Emery in and he'd explain more of what would happen next.

This morning, we went to the office. Some of Emery's vertebrae did not form properly while he was developing, therefore, he has a space which exposes his spinal chord. Though Emery hasn't had any symptoms (other than his back getting sore much more often then his siblings), there is a possibility that as he grows he could start having problems such as leg pain/ numbness, as well as other things.  He is now being referred to a pediatric specialist in Saskatoon where they will do more scans and decide what our game plan is.  Thankfully, because he doesn't have any symptoms, the chance of surgery is very small (pretty much non-existent) at this time. 

Now, I thought I was handling things well enough.  I did have an hour or so after the appointment where I felt a bit overwhelmed, but that passed and well, life.

It's funny how one tiny thing can set off a panic attack.  All it took for me was to look at my calendar and see I had to take Anthony to his Neurologist on Wednesday. 

Done.

I managed to get to my room and hide under the covers before my breathing went to shit and my chest contracted to the point I was sure I was having a heart attack.  I'm not sure how long it went on (it always feels like hours), but I finally remembered to do all my "it's a panic attack, it will pass" exercises.  I'm actually pretty happy with myself, I didn't even take an ativan (evil, tiny pills, they always put me to sleep). 

And even happier with the fact that I didn't even think about having a drink.

So, that's pretty much it.  I've had my meltdown and now it's back to business as usual because, well... this blog wouldn't be called Life and my Retreating Sanity if life was all rainbows and unicorns. :)